just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
