I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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