I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize