I accidentally had phone sex last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
