you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Soap is not a condiment
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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