Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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