Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize