TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Say something about gay babies.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
