I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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