either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
