I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
