I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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