I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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