Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.