I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off