So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that