You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
