We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
