allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
