I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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