hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
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i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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