Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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