I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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