she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
no, he came in my armpit
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
