Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
