New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
