I wannas sexs uuuuu
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
