I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
