arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
