Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I will die if light touches me.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
