I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
