I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
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