Can Purell be used as lube?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
