Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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