Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
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