I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
