Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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