Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
