I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
