I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
