I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
