I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
