1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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