Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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