I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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