don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
