im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
