You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
