Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
A+ Viking dick
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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