A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
