i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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