just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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