I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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