I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am mentally ready for anal.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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