Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
