Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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