I'm really into asian looking animals
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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