SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
