Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
