I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
