So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
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