Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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