I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
