I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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