Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize