We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
