Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
